He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
