I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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