Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
