i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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