I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
