She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize