Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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