We're facebook friends in real life
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
