Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize