watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
