Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
