need another drink. this is the easiest way
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mom said you looked used
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
