he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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