There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
