Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
