You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
