The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
