Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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