you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Randomize
