Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
