luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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