The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
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