The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
