A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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