Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
