I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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