I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
