so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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