I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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