your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize