What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
