My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
