You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
operation harelip BJ is a go
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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