Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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