So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
