WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
