i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
