i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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