another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
