just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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