3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My ass is underappreciated
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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