its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
