ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
