Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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