Moan for me like Helen Keller
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
