You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
