Say something about gay babies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
