you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i have herpe
just one?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
