Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
