Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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