Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
