She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
