just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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