First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize