I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
