what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
