my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize