The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
