and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
