Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
