Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
