help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
