Kiss
Puke
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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