i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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