just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
