Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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