Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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