2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
