Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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