I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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