Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
