is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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