she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
