Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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