You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
