Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
