good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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