remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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