how can u be prego again
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
