would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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