i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
