i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
