You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
