I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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