dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
