Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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