fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
