If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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