im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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