I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
