Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
