So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
