We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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