I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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