i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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