When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i came on her dog
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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