we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
