I wish I only lived at night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
