May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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