she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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