I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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